Sure, we’ve had a few months now to brush up on our fighting skills, but in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, there’s another thing you have to consider before you set off into the battlefield: what kind of vibe are you giving off with your costume choice?
You may laugh, but pro players become just as iconic for their character’s fashion sense as they are for their skill. Think Melee player Hungrybox, and a Jigglypuff donning a green headband might pop into your head before his own face does.
So what kind of impression are you giving off to your opponent when you deck your main out? Here are the 10 alternate skins you should absolutely AVOID at all cost.
No. 10: ‘Baby Ike’
Look at this child; how will this instill fear into your opponents heart? In Ike’s third outing of the Smash Bros. series, you get the choice of his infant Path of Radiance look or superior Radiant Dawn design. Sure, he might look cute, but the older look is just badass and shows you mean business.
No. 9: Weird-eyed Villager
If you got those eyes in Animal Crossing, you would 100% reset your game. With the superior options of the iconic default villager, another with pink hair, or just any that doesn’t have those weird downward eyelashes, you’ll just look like you have no idea what you’re doing, or like someone with no taste whatsoever.
No. 8: Blonde Lucina
Girl… What happened? There’s an odd tradition in Lucina’s family of constantly color-coordinated hair and costumes, but at least Granddad Marth and Papa Chrom have a bit of fun with their alternate skins when they make it to Smash. Lucina, on the other hand, reached for the hair bleach, and it look ridiculous.
No. 7: The ‘Walu-fakeies’
Sorry, this has to get a spot. Sure, there’s nothing aesthetically wrong with Mario and Luigi’s purple dungaree combo, but it will make you look like a traitor to the cause of getting everyone’s favorite underdog his rightful place in Smash. Don’t do it for us, do it for Waluigi.
No. 6 Green hat Puff
The hat is cute, but for some godforsaken reason, ever since Super Smash Bros. on the Nintendo 64 , putting green headgear onto Puff makes its entire shade of pink much paler. The poor Pokémon looks like it has a case of the suds. Do you really want this sickly looking creature to be your signature as a player? Do yourself a favor and give this glorious rose-colored orb the vibrant shade of pink it deserves.
No. 5: Default Inkling
As the name would suggest, most default skins should be a boring pick, but with the brilliant ’90s aesthetic of Splatoon, it makes no sense to go with the standard black and white clothes. With everything from a hipster, school kid and ‘gilets jaunes’ protester (although that might not be intentional) to pick from, there’s no reason to be this bland on the battlefield.
No. 4: Daisy’s Peach cosplay
We’ve come full circle now. For years, the cult Daisy fanbase—which I’m sure must exist somewhere—settled for the tomboyish princess being an alternate skin for Princess Peach. Then Nintendo made the very necessary decision to make her an echo fighter, with a Peach alternate skin.
But let’s get real: If you want to be a princess in pink, you might as well play as the literal better character (well, at least by about two spots on the tier lists).
No. 3: Yoshi’s uncomfortable Woolly World
There’s something… off-putting about this one. It’s just his ordinary look, but now you can see every individual strand of hair on a typically hairless green dinosaur. What are you trying to prove by picking this? What do you want people to think when you pick this? You could be known as the pink Yoshi, or the blue Yoshi; why be the oddly high-definition furry Yoshi?
No. 2: All the green and yellow costumes
This is simply an objective fact: Green and yellow is the worst color combination possible. So why Smash Bros. insists everyone don this abomination is beyond me. Sure, this will make you stand out in locals, but at least have your player signature be pleasing to the eye. The eight-player battle I did to get screenshots was a two-minute-30 eyesore.
No. 1: Any Snake outfit that isn’t the leopard print one
I don’t know why, but for some reason, Nintendo worked really hard to bring us Snake with the fashion sense of a middle-aged woman on a night out, and the least we can do is use it. If you pick anything other than this skin, everyone will think you don’t have a sense of humor and take everything really seriously. Sometimes in life, you’ve just got to sit back, relax, and beat some people up dressed head to toe in skin-tight leopard print.
Everyone knows this is an option, but your reputation can’t afford to pick anything else.
GameLuster’s Tuesday 10 highlights memorable, light-hearted facets of video games or the industry at large. The No. 1 is a hill no one should die on, but it’s a hill that should be admired from afar.