Thoughts On Think of the Children

Developer Jammed Up Studios, along with Publisher Surprise Attack, have confirmed that their new game Think of the Children will be released this Thursday.

The game describes itself as a “parenting simulator” with goals of keeping your children alive and avoiding prosecution of child neglect.

“Hauled before the court for bad parenting and endangering the lives of your children, the Prosecutors present a series of events as evidence that will either condemn or exonerate you: a birthday party at the park, a day at the zoo, a camping trip, an unexpected visit to the Australian Outback and more,” its Steam store page states. “Only, each of these locations proves to be far more dangerous than they sound, and even the tamest of environments are filled with deadly hazards. Play through each event in flashback to prove your parenting skills—and your innocence—to the judge, and avoid going to jail.”

My first reaction to this game is: I have absolutely no idea who it’s for.

Surely people with kids spend their days trying to keep their real-life kids alive, so I suspect they have no interest in keeping virtual ones alive in their spare time.

People without kids would either not want to try to keep their kids alive, having decided they don’t want kids in life or in games, or would actively try and drown the little brats for their own amusement. Having said that, both the description and trailer are more focused on failing the game—letting the kids die—rather than succeeding at it, as if the cartoony deaths are meant for sadistic pleasure. It’s like when you take someone who pissed you off in The Sims, lock them in a room and start a fire (I’ve heard some people do crazy stuff like that).

The game lists as a feature “All Kinds of Families Welcome.” Are they really, Jammed Up? Thanks for letting alternative families know that you’ve decided it’s okay for them to exist. All families will be welcome when they can be included in games without straight people patting themselves on the back for not being jerks.

View the launch trailer below, though be aware that deaths of children are depicted. It’s all non-graphic, cartoon fare, but it may still offend.


Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments